Tag: humor

Posted in communication, Family, forgiveness, gratitude, life, loving others, school days, Scripture, Trials

Have a Good Day

Posted on by Dewayne Taylor

 “This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” Psalm 118:24

“Sometimes you feel like a nut…sometimes you don’t.”  You might remember that as the slogan for the Mounds candy company.  One of their candy bars has almonds and one doesn’t. Frankly…I like them both.  The slogan reminds me of the way days sometimes go.  Sometimes they are smooth sailing and sometimes, well, they aren’t.  There is an old saying that asks the question, “Did you get up on the wrong side of the bed today?” It usually means someone is a bit grumpy and often it is associated with the day they are having. It goes back in time when getting out of bed on the left side was akin to bad luck and a bad day.

One of my favorite kid’s books is titled, “Alexander and The Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.” It’s a humorous account of a little boy who has not a day, but seemingly a life, that constantly goes south.  Ever wonder what a bad day might look like?  Well, someone wrote a list of ten things that might be very good indicators of a very bad day.  It goes like this.

Top Ten Indicators of a bad day! 

1. You realize you just sprayed spot remover under your arms instead of deodorant. 

2. Your doctor tells you that you are allergic to chocolate chip cookies. 

3. The gypsy fortune teller offers to refund your money. 

4. The worst player on the golf course wants to play you for money. 

5. Everyone is laughing…but you. 

6. You turn on the news and they are showing emergency routes out of your city. 

7. You wake up to the soothing sound of running water…and remember you just purchased a water bed. 

8. Your horn sticks on the freeway–behind 32 guys riding motorcycles, wearing leathers, chains and very angry looks. 

9. You call the crisis hotline and they put you on hold. 

10. Your four year old tells you that it’s ALMOST impossible to flush a grapefruit down the toilet.

Well, I hope that made you smile.  We all have stories of days when it seemed like Murphy (of Murphy’s Law fame) was our worst best friend and absolutely nothing goes right.  It makes us want to go back to bed and try it all again.  Well, something that just keeps rolling around in my head (and my heart) is this scripture that talks about the fact that God makes each day.  It says, “This is the day the Lord has made. We will rejoice and be glad in it.” I’m glad it didn’t say be happy about it because that might really be hard.  No, it says, “Rejoice” or be joyful.  You see joy and happiness are not the same.  Happiness depends on circumstances and joy depends on our trust in God—and those two things are far, far apart.

I have to admit that I am not always the most optimistic person, though I do try to see the glass as half full rather than half empty.  But I am learning that if I look around closely, I will see little love notes from my Dearest Daddy.  Mostly they are small, little blessings that can go unnoticed. But if I slow down and look around, there they are.  I think it is important to train our eyes, and minds, to look for the ways He works His God magic.  So, why not decide that today, right now, you are going to journey today with an eye for Him.  You might be surprised how differently your day goes.  Oh, and if it really is a difficult day, if it really seems like Alexander’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day, well, just remember that every day and any day, “He’s got this.” Bro. Dewayne

Posted in communication, Grace, life, Scripture

Braces Not Dentures

Posted on by Dewayne Taylor

 “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.” Psalm 139:23-24

Dentures…not exactly what I meant to say.  So as a public speaker I have had plenty, and I do mean plenty, of misspeaks. Actually since I wasn’t sure misspeak was a word and given today’s story I decided to check it.  Yup…it is a word and yup…it sure does fit.  A misspeak is when you fail to express yourself insufficiently, clearly, or accurately.  They probably invented that word just for me—or at least people like me.  My most famous misspeak will remain a guarded secret.  Even though it happened very publicly I would rather it not be shared again publicly until my funeral.

Misspeaks can be quite funny.  I had so many at a church I previously pastored that when it was time to move on they came up with a book of “Dewayne-isms.” And fortunately for me most of mine have been funny…just like the one that prompted this story.  I was speaking about the fact that Jesus told His followers up front that a life that included following Him was going to be hard.  He put it like this, “In this world you will have trouble.  But be of good cheer because I have overcome the world.”  There you go…crystal clear.  Too often though you will hear Christian speakers making some pretty big promises on God’s behalf. It usually includes the fact that if we choose to follow Jesus…the rewards are enormous. It is about then that I list a few.  They usually include things like you will never get sick. You will always have a job and never lose said job.  Every promotion at that job is a guaranteed thing and on and on and on. 

Right before I end the list, I always throw the kids in.  They will all be handsome and attractive, be superstar athletes and never, ever need braces.  Well, that is what I meant to say but instead of saying braces, I said dentures. So flying out of mouth came, “And your kids will never need dentures.” Ok, I know and you know that dentures is not even close to braces so where it came from? Who knows?  But it took about one second for the crowd to catch it and have a good laugh.  Of course I corrected it right away and even added a bit to add to the unexpected humor. We all had a good laugh, and I can only imagine the next time braces or dentures come up in a conversation, someone just might say, “I remember when…”

Misspeaks—it is a love/hate relationship and as I said are often quite funny…until it isn’t.  I suppose you, like me, have said things we wish we hadn’t.  It’s the kind of thing that happens when you say something and you instantly wish it hadn’t.  It’s the kind of thing that we call a slip of the tongue but then you wonder, “Where did that come from anyway?”  And these misspeaks can sometimes leave a scar—the size of Texas.  Jesus said one time that these kind of misspeaks come from the heart. He said, “It is out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.”  He was saying that often our words reveal what is lurking in the heart.

Now these are not the funny things we say like dentures and braces, no, these are those unkind and hurtful things we say about people…even those and often those…close to us. Typical topics can include weight, appearance, fashion, cooking, housekeeping, oh, and the need for dentures…I mean braces.  You might be wondering, “How do I prevent these things from happening?”  Well, speaking of housecleaning, maybe we need to do some “heart-cleaning.”  The best way to keep the tongue under control is to keep our heart under control. There is a scripture in the Old Testament that says, “Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my concerns. See if there is any offensive way in me; lead me in the everlasting way.”

Boom…there you go.  We need to ask God to give us a day-by-day heart checkup and if He finds anything that doesn’t belong there…ask Him to take care of it.   Often that will include leading you down a different path…a better path…a right path.  One thing I have learned about God is that He really does want to help us do the right thing…including managing our hurtful misspeaks.  If you are like me and sometimes struggle with what you say, just ask and He will help you…every time…anytime.  He’s got this.  Bro. Dewayne

Posted in Family, friends, Grace, gratitude, Integrity, life, loving others, Military memories, sovereignty of God, thankful, Trials

Mr. B

Posted on by Dewayne Taylor

Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord will personally go ahead of you. He will be with you; He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deuteronomy 31:8

It was a long, hard day.  When my wife and I lived in Warrensburg, Missouri we were renting a home in a still developing subdivision called Valley View.  We were just back from a three-year USAF stay in Germany, still newlyweds with only four years under our belt, and with a newly hatched dream.  While we loved the house we were renting, we, like so many, dreamed of owning our own home.  It was a crazy time economically as interest rates were running about 18 percent and inflation was at a record rate. And then a window opened.

The developer of our subdivision was a rough around the edges man named Mr. B.  We bumped into him around the neighborhood as he was still building houses. He planted a thought in our minds and hearts.  He said the government had a program that might allow us to build a house.  They would pay half the interest.  Well compared to eighteen percent, nine sounded pretty enticing. And before we knew, we were approved and a piece of land on Hilltop Drive had our name on it.  He let us add a few things like a bay window and a fireplace in the basement.  It added a bit to the bottom line, but they were worth it.

I’m still not sure if this was a wise financial decision for us.  It ended ok, and that’s another story, but it did cause some financial tension.  To help, he suggested I do some work equity and let me tell you…it was hard work.  I ended up doing all the painting and staining inside and out.  And for a guy who had never done anything like that—it was a challenge.  That’s another story, too.  There was also another opportunity to help with the financial tension.

Mr. B told me that he would be willing to let me work for him on Saturdays doing some basic labor.  He then said he would pay me $15.00 per hour.  Now that was good money back in 1983 so I agreed although I was way out of my comfort zone.  To set the stage, I was in the Air Force, that was my day job, I was pastoring a small church for a whopping $50 a week, that was my Sunday job, and now I was going to work for Mr. B on Saturdays.  Like I said…it was way out of my comfort zone.  So, Saturday came.

The work site was just down from our rental house, so I just walked over.  It was early in the morning and we were going to be putting up metal (as in heavy metal) forms to pour a basement for another house.  We had to lift the forms in place and hammer pins in place to hold it all together.  Well, besides dropping my hammer one time inside the forms, things went pretty well.  We called it a day about 4:00 pm…just in time for me to get home and start trying to write a sermon for the next day.  I was exhausted.  I bet that was at least one short sermon!

So, the next week I bumped into Mr. B and he had a check for me.  Finally, the fruit of my labor that Saturday was in my hands.  Based on his comment about $15.00 per hour and eight hours of labor, I was expecting a check for around a hundred dollars. Instead, I found a check for forty dollars and some change.  I was, uh, shocked.  I said, “Mr. B is this right?” He assured me that it was, and I said, “I thought you were paying $15.00 an hour.”  He chuckled and said, “Oh, I was only kidding about that.  We pay laborers $5.00 an hour.”  I wasn’t laughing.  In fact, as much as I liked him, I felt betrayed, like I had been ripped off.  From my view, one thing was promised, and another given. And that was my first and only Saturday working for Mr. B.

Betrayed and ripped off.  Have you ever felt that way?  Have you ever felt that way about another person?  Have you ever felt that way…about God?  Because people are broken and imperfect, just like us, there is a measure of understanding. It doesn’t make it any less painful but at least it sometimes softens the blow.  But what about God?  What about when it seems God doesn’t keep His Word?  That’s a tough one.

What I have learned over my years as a Jesus follower, and as a pastor, that when it seems we feel betrayed or ripped off by God it is because we have misread or misapplied His Word.  You see, His Word is full of promises, but we need to make sure that the promises were made to us and for us.  We can’t claim promises that were made to another person or group of people.  God made promises to Abraham that just aren’t ours to claim.

Too often, unfortunately, preachers, teachers, and ordinary people make promises on God’s behalf that God never intended or said.  And, when they don’t come true, well, we blame God and that is not right or fair.  I’ve been a Jesus follower for 45 years now, and I can tell you one thing—He has never failed me or failed to keep His Word.  He is a promise keeping God—when the promise is mine.  No, I’ve not always liked how things turned out or His way of working something out, but I can say I’ve never felt betrayed or ripped off.  He is a good God who is good at being God.  You can trust Him.

Well, Mr. B’s little joke was a hard lesson for me to learn but it was a valuable one.  His heart was good, but his sense of humor was not.  I’m glad my Dearest Daddy, the God I can call Father, has a perfect heart and His will and plan for me is perfect.  I know no matter what I will face, His plan is for my good and His glory—and that is good enough.  I can face today knowing, “He’s got this.”  Bro. Dewayne